Orbital Mind Control Lasers
Sometimes a position is hopeless, but a double-dummy line
by the opponents is still available to salvage the hand. In
those cases, I try to convince the opponents that the one
losing line is attractive if possible. When all else fails,
I just throw them on lead and hope they find the appropriate
order in which to play their cards. I am hoping that my Orbital
Mind Control Lasers zap them into doing what I want them to do.
Playing in the first round of a cash prize tournament, things
are going well and I decide to try to push the opponents around
| 1032 |
| K75 |
In third seat vulnerable, I decide to open a bad four card suit for reasons
unknown even to me. We play a complicated Drury system and
a forcing notrump, so we shouldn't get past 2 very often,
so while the bid is pretty silly, it shouldn't be that unsafe. In
this case, it didn't work out well---I have reached a terrible contract
that gets even worse when the 7 is led.
Fortunately, they are playing 3rd and 5th best leads, so when I play
the J from dummy and follow with the 3 from my hand, East doesn't
realize that her partner has led a doubleton. I do since she won the King.
East shifts to the 2 and I need to finesse. This is bad enough
already. Luckily, the hook works.
East has shown up with ten high card points in the minors and passed
in second seat. That marks the two major suit aces on my left as well
as the Q. That means that spades are 4-3, since West would have
bid them with AQxxx and a side Ace. I don't know about the J,
though. While I'm thinking about this, the player in my seat at the next
table gets up and starts walking to the bathroom. He bumps into me on
the way, which is why I notice him. This tournament is being played
with a barometer movement, so that means they passed this hand out. I'm
not entitled to this information, but it seems likely anyway. Each opponent
has ten high card less the major suit Jacks. The only 4-2 heart break I
can pick up is the Ace doubleton, so I lead a heart to the King and a small
heart back, covering the 8 with the 9 and losing to the Ace. (Phew.)
West happily continues with her second club and this time gets her ruff.
She exits with a small diamond and I am in danger of going down two.
I'm pretty sure that West has 4-3-4-2 shape and I can cash a club
safely, discarding a spade, but East can win a spade and draw the last
trump, leaving me stuck in my hand. If I can convince West to hop with
a spade honor on the first round, though, I can possibly discard a spade
on the last club and exit with the King to make my trumps separately.
They can foil this by playing two rounds of diamonds, but maybe they
won't get it right. I make a wish to the Orbital Mind Control Lasers
that now would be a good time to operate and continue with a low spade
towards the dummy. West shrugs and plays the Queen. So far so good.
The Lasers must have done a great job, because after a few moments thought,
West continues with a low spade! She must not be counting, since I am marked
with the King, but I am truly grateful. I'm going to make this!
I win the K and discard dummy's last spade on the good club. I
make the last three tricks on a cross-ruff and end up +110 for 90% of
the matchpoints. Good Lasers, those.
Copyright © 1995 Jeff Goldsmith